2015 is/was tough

I can’t believe how long it is since I posted!

Tonight, I am on control duty for SERV Kent and, as I was logging an earlier call, I realised that it will soon be a new year. Now, I am not stupid, I realise January and 2016 happen in a few weeks but seeing January 2016 pop up on the calendar made me realise just how close a few weeks seems.

This set me to thinking about 2015 up until now. It has been tough but also fun; sad but also happy. At the beginning of the year, the new neighbours showed just how noisy 2 skinny girls can be. I’ll gloss over the neighbours a bit as legally, there are things I can’t say and morally, things I won’t. They’re beyond noisy, music, fighting, all sorts. Some of the other neighbours and I have been forced to call the police on several occasions and, thanks to all the stress, lack of sleep etc, I gave up on uni for the rest of the last academic year. It’s been a tough ride with them and isn’t yet finished. And that is all I have to say about that.

At the beginning of the year, my lovely step nan died which was really sad (that sounds so lame!) I felt hugely guilty about being happy to reconnect with various members of the family at her funeral but that is what happens. I loved her so much but hadn’t really been able to put it into words with her, I hope she knew.

A couple of months later, I was made head controller with SERV Kent, a massive honour and responsibility which at the time, was a much needed boost. I hadn’t realised just how much work went on behind the scenes but I attacked it as I always do with new learning curves and am thoroughly enjoying it.

Then, in the summer, something that I had been thinking about a for a while got given a sudden push, I dumped my boyfriend. He had been there for me in the days after I filed for divorce which was great but our relationship never developed which was not so great. My only (and I mean only) regret is that I didn’t tell him face to face. I couldn’t, not because I didn’t want to but because he didn’t turn up to see me when he said he would which was becoming a regular occurrence. I am no longer a notch on someone’s bedpost (sorry to my family for that sentence!) I had spent a long time, several months, now I look back, feeling less than important to him but hadn’t had the courage to do anything about it for way too long. The speed with which the musings about it became an action hit me like a truck but, thankfully, I didn’t fall apart over him, far from it. That tells me it was absolutely the right thing to do and the right time to do it. I actually smiled when I met with my university mentor and told her what I had done, I genuinely feel like a huge weight has been lifted and even admitting that doesn’t make me feel sad.

I am back at uni, my attendance thanks to ongoing lack of sleep hasn’t been anywhere near great but I am doing OK. My first essay got submitted on time and, despite me convincing myself that it was the worst one I had ever written, I got a mark of 62% which I am so proud (and a little suspicious) of. It made me remember that I can do it, that I really do deserve to be at university and that I actually do have a reasonable amount of intelligence in my brain! All those doubts will come back in a day or two, I’m waiting on the mark from my second essay and a plank would be able to tell me that was nowhere near as good as the first!

I sent my mum a text telling her my essay mark for what I described to her as a crap essay and her reply made me giggle:

“You clearly have superior and higher goals than your lecturers. Well done”

Thanks mum and, I think you’re right. In case she’s reading this, yep, I said you were right! I am unbelievably hard on myself when it comes to my studies, I constantly berate my own work and abilities and this absolutely needs to stop…now! Ah, who am I kidding? I will probably never stop it but will do my best to be less hard on myself.

So, a tough year but also, in a weird way, one of the best I’ve had in a long time. That reads weirdly, even to me. How can a tough year be a good one? Because I am still managing to function, I am coping with all the crap being flung at me by others as well as by myself. And, get this, I AM strong. Until today, I had never believed that but now I do and I will remind myself of that every time I feel like just giving up and hiding under the duvet forever. I expect I will still fall every once in a while but I know that I won’t stay down for long and that every trial that gets thrown at me from now on will lead to me getting even stronger.

I hadn’t planned on such a long post, it just turned out that way so I will end it with this:

2016, bring it on, I am ready for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Getting back to study

I have been on summer break from Uni since 17th June, 9 weeks so far and my first lecture of the next academic year is on 30th September, just 6 weeks more to go! I am not going to say I am bored exactly but I am keen to get back to studying. I have read the details online of one of my modules and bought the required text book as I am really looking forward to starting it. It amuses me to think that I am excited and keen to get “back to school” when 30 years ago I would have been dreading the end of the school holidays. I am desparately hoping that this doesn’t mean I am becoming a proper adult, I don’t feel old enough for that yet. 

The year I am about to embark on is actually the other half of the first year although I am classed as a returning student so all future blogs I write about my studies will refer to stages instead, much easier to keep track of! I will spend 2 years at each stage as a part time student so no counting is involved. I am in stage 1 at the moment and, luckily in some ways, the marks that are achieved in this stage don’t go toward the degree classification. However, I do wonder that knowing this may make me take my foot of the gas sometimes. I am going to do my utmost not to let that happen this year and to start working as hard as I know I can but without breaking my brain anymore than it is already. 

I have had my disabled student allowances agreed for the next year, as I already have the equipment, it is just a case of them agreeing the additional incidentals that I will receive. And, once Student Finance England and my University have sorted their communication problems over my course code and the funding for my fees approved, I will be a very happy bunny. 

If you are older than the average school leaver attending University and are wondering whether you should obtain a degree, I would say if you can, go for it. Be aware though that part time students only get their fees paid, no additional grants or loans are available. Don’t let that put you off though, if you can work it financially and are determind to do it, do it. I have done a fair few things I would never had done if I wasn’t at Uni, such as attending a wine reception at the House of Commons and taking on an active voluntary role with SERV Kent, I didn’t feel useful enough before. Following your heart’s desire doesn’t have to be something that only the young can do anymore, I am doing it and enjoying it more day by day. 

It’s 2013!

So, I survived my own cooking at Christmas which is always a good thing to admit. I have also not set any New Year’s resolutions for a change. Considering I am one of those people that has usually broken them 2 weeks into the year I thought I’d better not bother this year. Instead, I am committing to improving up my weight loss/exercise regime. Since last March, I have lost 20lbs which is pretty good going to be honest, especially for someone who is not exactly 100% motivated all the time. 

I have also started volunteering with SERV Kent as a controller and tonight is my first shift. I have had control of the phones and men on bikes since 7pm last night and will hand it back at 6am. For my information, click here to be taken to their website, sorry but I am not awake enough to type that much info for you, it has just gone 3am you know! The University encourages students to volunteer, we can be awarded a variety of certificates dependent on the number of hours of volunteering we have done and which of a vast number of skills we have used during that time. 

I go back to University next week and have been missing it a fair bit this week. I have a small piece of work to finish off, nothing that is desperately needed but it has to be in before term starts which is made extremely easy in the age of internet and email.  

I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year, normal service will be resumed after the start of term. 

 

Exciting stuff

Well, no post last week, sorry about that but I was hugely busy with Uni. I had 2 court visits to do and an extra class so I was literally out at Uni or on Uni related things every day last week. I won’t say anything about the court visits as there is so much I could say but not sure there’s much I can say legally.

And in other news, I have celebrated the first anniversary of my divorce and I coined the word divorceversary in honour of it, why not, right?

Today is my birthday, I have reached the ripe old age of 39 and have discovered that I truly am comfortable in my own skin, finally! In celebration I had 3 awesome days of breakfasts, chocolate on Saturday, cake on Sunday and pain au chocolat today. Tomorrow’s toast or porridge will seem boring in comparison.

And just to cheer (or upset) you all, there are 70 days left until 2013! Have fun, I’ll be back soon.